Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

War not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who sit on tack get point!

Man who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion!

Man stuck in pantry have ass in jam.

When called an idiot sometimes is better to be quiet than to open mouth and remove all doubt.

Man who behaves like an ass will be the butt of those who crack jokes.

He who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing.

Man who put head on railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.

He who buries a man’s wife alive, should not expect to sit at that man’s dinner table without the subject coming up.

Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.

Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.

Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.

Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.

Man who fly airplane upside-down bound to have crack up.

Confucius say too damn much.

On hygiene, Confucius say…

Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.

Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters in his own hands.

Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep shit.

A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.

House without toilet is uncanny.

Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.

He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.

Man who stick foot in mouth get athlete’s tongue.

Man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with sticky fingers.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

Grease monkey who go to bed without bathing wake up oily in the morning.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

On sex, Confucius say…

Virginity like bubble: one prick, all gone.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.

Man kicked in testicles left holding bag.

Woman who wear jockstrap have make believe ballroom.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on top of desk.

Hole happy, whole body happy.

Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.

Don’t drink and park, accidents cause people.

Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs.

State of pregnancy exist when woman takes seriously something poked in fun.

Man who plays with self, pulls boner.

Passionate kiss like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly.

Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house.

Man trapped in brothel get jerked around.

Man’s wife his better half, his mistress his better whole.

It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.

Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on whole woman have more.

Girl who have red hair have red hair, by cracky.

Man who lay woman on ground gets piece on earth.

Man who suck woman’s tit make clean breast of things.

Woman laid in tomb may soon become mummy.

Man who lay girl on hillside is not on the level.

Man who jizz in cash register come into money.

Man with athletic finger make broad jump.

Man who marries girl with no bust have right to feel low down.

Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.

Don’t sweat the petty stuff … and don’t pet the sweaty stuff

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and out in the shed
Sat my tired Old Chevy Truck, its battery dead.
Its fenders were rusted, the floorpan had holes
The seats and the carpets had been eaten by voles

The tires had dry-rot, the gas tank was leaking
A turn of the wheel sent tie rods a-creaking.
So I put on my coat with a weight on my heart,
And went out to the shed to get it to start
.
The engine turned over–and there arose such a clatter!
I knew from the sound it was water pump chatter.
From under the dash there came a bright flash:
The wiring harness had just turned to ash!

Ive had it with Chevy Trucks I finally swore
Enough is too much! I cant take any more!
When what to my red, teary eyes all a fray
But the ghost of a man it was Louis Chevrolet

This one can be saved; theres no reason to grieve.
All you need is some faith–Man, you gotta believe!
A hammer! Some duct tape! Get me more tools!
When you work on theseTrucks, just make up-a da rules!

We’ll get her cranked over no way that she’ll stall
(But stand over there with a your back to the wall.)
A cough and a sputter, it all was just stunning–
I couldnt believe it! The damn thing was running!

The ghost winked at me and said, kicking a tire,
Whatever you do, DO NOT TOUCHA THIS WIRE!
The old man then vanished amid sneezes and farts
But when the smoke cleared he had left me some parts
.
So I opened the shed door and shut the hood down
Put the pedal to metal and burned rubber out of  town.
And I thought to myself as I slammed it in third  gear

Merry Christmas to All and a Happy New Year!

From 67-72chevytrucks.com

This one will be difficult for the younger set. (DUDE!)

Have fun, but no peeking!

Good luck, youngsters.

1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?

A. Flintstones vitamins

B. The Buttmaster

C. Spaghetti

D. Wonder Bread

E. Orange Juice

F. Milk

G. Cod Liver Oil

2. Before he was Muhammad Ali, he was…

A. Sugar Ray Robinson.

B. Roy Orbison.

C. Gene Autry.

D. Rudolph Valentino.

E. Fabian.

F. Mickey Mantle.

G. Cassius Clay.

3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, ‘We have met the enemy and…

A. It’s you.

B. He is us.

C. It’s the Grinch.

D. He wasn’t home.

E. He’s really me and you.

F. We quit.

G. He surrendered.

4. Good night, David.

A. Good night, Chet.

B. Sleep well.

C. Good night, Irene.

D.. Good night, Gracie.

E. See you later, alligator.

F. Until tomorrow.

G. Good night, Steve.

5. You’ll wonder where the yellow went…

A. When you use Tide.

B. When you lose your crayons.

C. When you clean your tub.

D. If you paint the room blue.

E.. If you buy a soft water tank.

F. When you use Lady Clairol.

G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.

6. Before he was the Skipper’s Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie’s friend…

A. Stuart Whitman.

B   Randolph Scott.

C. Steve Reeves.

D. Maynard G. Krebs.

E. Corky B. Dork.

F. Dave the Whale.

G. Zippy Zoo.

7. Liar, liar…

A. You’re a liar.

B. Your nose is growing.

C. Pants on fire.

D. Join the choir.

E. Jump up higher.

F. On the wire.

G. I’m telling Mom.

8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending battle for truth, justice and….

A. Wheaties.

B. Lois Lane.

C. TV ratings.

D. World peace.

E. Red tights.

F. The American way.

G. News headlines.

9. Hey kids!  What time is it?

A. It’s time for Yogi Bear.

B It’s time to do your homework.

C. It’s Howdy Doody Time.

D. It’s time for Romper Room.

E. It’s bedtime.

F. The Mighty Mouse Hour.

G. Scoopy Doo Time.

10. Lions and tigers and bears…

A. Yikes.

B. Oh, no.

C. Gee whiz.

D. I’m scared.

E. Oh my.

F. Help! Help!

G. Let’s run.

11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone…

A. Over 40.

B. Wearing a uniform.

C. Carrying a briefcase.

D. Over 30.

E. You don’t know.

F. Who says, ‘Trust me’.

G. Who eats tofu.

12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women’s stockings…

A. Troy Aikman

B. Kenny Stabler

C. Joe Namath

D. Roger Staubach

E. Joe Montana

F. Steve Young

G. John Elway

13. Brylcream…

A. Smear it on.

B. You’ll smell great.

C. Tame that cowlick.

D. Grease ball heaven.

E. It’s a dream.

F. We’re your team.

G. A little dab’ll do ya.

14. I found my thrill…

A. In Blueberry muffins.

B. With my man, Bill.

C. Down at the mill.

D. Over the windowsill.

E. With thyme and dill.

F. Too late to enjoy.

G. On Blueberry Hill.

15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by…

A. Clark Gable.

B. Mary Martin.

C. Doris Day.

D. Errol Flynn.

E. Sally Fields.

F. Jim Carrey.

G. Jay Leno.

16. Name the Beatles…

A. John, Steve, George, Ringo

B. John, Paul, George, Roscoe

C. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo

D. Jay, Paul, George, Ringo

E. Lewis, Peter, George, Ringo

F. Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel

G. John, Paul, George, Ringo

17. I wonder, wonder, who.

A. Who ate the leftovers?

B. Who did the laundry?

C. Was it you?

D. Who wrote the book of love?

E. Who I am?

F. Passed the test?

G. Knocked on the door?

18. I’m strong to the finish…

A. Cause I eats my broccoli.

B. Cause I eats me spinach.

C. Cause I lift weights.

D. Cause I’m the hero.

E. And don’t you for get it.

F. Cause Olive Oyl loves me.

G. To outlast Bruto.

19. When it’s least expected, you’re elected, you’re the star today.

A.. Smile, you’re on Candid Camera.

B. Smile, you’re on Star Search.

C. Smile, you won the lottery.

D. Smile, we’re watching you.

E. Smile, the world sees you.

F. Smile, you’re a hit.

G. Smile, you’re on TV.

20. What do M & M’s do?

A. Make your tummy happy.

B. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket.

C. Make you fat.

D.. Melt your heart.

E. Make you popular.

F. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

G. Come in colors.

Below are the right answers:

1. D – Wonder Bread

2. G – Cassius Clay

3. B – He Is us

4. A – Good night, Chet

5. G – When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent

6. D – Maynard G. Krebs

7. C – Pants on fire

8. F – The American Way

9. C – It’s Howdy Doody Time

10. E – Oh my

11. D – Over 30

12. C – Joe Namath

13. G – A little dab’ll do ya

14. G – On Blueberry Hill

15. B – Mary Martin

16. G – John, Paul, George, Ringo

17. D – Who wrote the book of Love

18. B – Cause I eats me spinach

19. A – Smile, you’re on Candid Camera

20.. F – Melt in your mouth not in your hand

Saturday, December 6 – Washington D.C. – U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt makes a final appeal to the Emperor of Japan for peace. There is no reply. Late this same day, the U.S. code-breaking service begins intercepting a 14-part Japanese message and deciphers the first 13 parts, passing them on to the President and Secretary of State. The Americans believe a Japanese attack is imminent, most likely somewhere in Southeast Asia.

Sunday, December 7 – Washington D.C. – The last part of the Japanese message, stating that diplomatic relations with the U.S. are to be broken off, reaches Washington in the morning and is decoded at approximately 9 a.m. About an hour later, another Japanese message is intercepted. It instructs the Japanese embassy to deliver the main message to the Americans at 1 p.m. The Americans realize this time corresponds with early morning time in Pearl Harbor, which is several hours behind. The U.S. War Department then sends out an alert but uses a commercial telegraph because radio contact with Hawaii is temporarily broken. Delays prevent the alert from arriving at headquarters in Oahu until noontime (Hawaii time) four hours after the attack has already begun.

Sunday, December 7 – Islands of Hawaii, near Oahu – The Japanese attack force under the command of Admiral Nagumo, consisting of six carriers with 423 planes, is about to attack. At 6 a.m., the first attack wave of 183 Japanese planes takes off from the carriers located 230 miles north of Oahu and heads for the U.S. Pacific Fleet at Pearl Harbor.

Pearl Harbor – At 7:02 a.m., two Army operators at Oahu’s northern shore radar station detect the Japanese air attack approaching and contact a junior officer who disregards their reports, thinking they are American B-17 planes which are expected in from the U.S. west coast.

Near Oahu – At 7:15 a.m., a second attack wave of 167 planes takes off from the Japanese carriers and heads for Pearl Harbor.
Pearl Harbor is not on a state on high alert. Senior commanders have concluded, based on available intelligence, there is no reason to believe an attack is imminent. Aircraft are therefore left parked wingtip to wingtip on airfields, anti-aircraft guns are unmanned with many ammunition boxes kept locked in accordance with peacetime regulations. There are also no torpedo nets protecting the fleet anchorage. And since it is Sunday morning, many officers and crewmen are leisurely ashore.

At 7:53 a.m., the first Japanese assault wave, with 51 ‘Val’ dive bombers, 40 ‘Kate’ torpedo bombers, 50 high level bombers and 43 ‘Zero’ fighters, commences the attack with flight commander, Mitsuo Fuchida, sounding the battle cry: “Tora! Tora! Tora!” (Tiger! Tiger! Tiger!).

The Americans are taken completely by surprise. The first attack wave targets airfields and battleships. The second wave targets other ships and shipyard facilities. The air raid lasts until 9:45 a.m. Eight battleships are damaged, with five sunk. Three light cruisers, three destroyers and three smaller vessels are lost along with 188 aircraft. The Japanese lose 27 planes and five midget submarines which attempted to penetrate the inner harbor and launch torpedoes.

Escaping damage from the attack are the prime targets, the three U.S. Pacific Fleet aircraft carriers, Lexington, Enterprise and Saratoga, which were not in the port. Also escaping damage are the base fuel tanks. The casualty list includes 2,335 servicemen and 68 civilians killed, with 1,178 wounded. Included are 1,104 men aboard the Battleship USS Arizona killed after a 1,760-pound air bomb penetrated into the forward magazine causing catastrophic explosions.

In Washington, various delays prevent the Japanese diplomats from presenting their war message to Secretary of State, Cordell Hull, until 2:30 p.m. (Washington time) just as the first reports of the air raid at Pearl Harbor are being read by Hull.

News of the “sneak attack” is broadcast to the American public via radio bulletins, with many popular Sunday afternoon entertainment programs being interrupted. The news sends a shockwave across the nation and results in a tremendous influx of young volunteers into the U.S. armed forces. The attack also unites the nation behind the President and effectively ends isolationist sentiment in the country.

Monday, December 8 – The United States and Britain declare war on Japan with President Roosevelt calling December 7, “a date which will live in infamy…”

Thursday, December 11 – Germany and Italy declare war on the United States. The European and Southeast Asian wars have now become a global conflict with the Axis powers; Japan, Germany and Italy, united against America, Britain, France, and their Allies.

Wednesday, December 17 – Admiral Chester W. Nimitz becomes the new commander of the U.S. Pacific Fleet.
Both senior commanders at Pearl Harbor; Navy Admiral Husband E. Kimmel, and Army Lt. General Walter C. Short, were relieved of their duties following the attack. Subsequent investigations will fault the men for failing to adopt adequate defense measures.

Copyright © 1997 The History Place™ All Rights Reserved

Sedentary life ‘speeds up ageing’

Leading a sedentary lifestyle may make us genetically old before our time, a study suggests. A study of twins found those who were physically active during their leisure time appeared biologically younger than their sedentary peers.

The researchers found key pieces of DNA called telomeres shortened more quickly in inactive people. It is thought that could signify faster cellular ageing.

The King’s College London study appears in Archives of Internal Medicine.

This conclusion provides a powerful message that could be used by clinicians to promote the potential anti-ageing effect of regular exercise” King’s College London researchers

An active lifestyle has been linked to lower rates of cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes and cancer.

However, the latest research suggests that inactivity not only makes people more vulnerable to disease, but may actually speed up the ageing process itself.

The King’s team studied 2,401 white twins, asking them to fill out questionnaires on their level of physical activity, and taking a blood sample from which DNA was extracted.

They particularly focused on telomeres, the repeat sequences of DNA that sit on the ends of chromosomes, protecting them from damage.

As people age, their telomeres become shorter, leaving cells more susceptible to damage and death.

Examining white blood cells from the immune system in particular, the researchers found that, on average, telomeres lost 21 component parts – called nucleotides – every year.

But men and women who were less physically active in their leisure time had shorter leukocyte telomeres compared to those who were more active.

The average telomere length in those who took the least amount of exercise – 16 minutes of physical activity a week – was 200 nucleotides shorter than those who took the most exercise – 199 minutes of physical activity a week, such as running, tennis or aerobics.

The most active people had telomeres of a length comparable to those found in inactive people who were up to 10 years’ younger, on average.

Direct comparison of twins who had different levels of physical activity produced similar results.

Impact of stress

The researchers suggest that physically inactive people may be more vulnerable to the damage caused to cells by exposure to oxygen, and to inflammation.

Stress is also thought to have an impact on telomere length, and the researchers suggest people who exercise regularly may help to reduce their stress levels.

Writing in the journal, the researchers said: “Our results show that adults who partake in regular physical activity are biologically younger than sedentary individuals.

“This conclusion provides a powerful message that could be used by clinicians to promote the potential anti-ageing effect of regular exercise.”

In an accompanying editorial, Dr Jack Guralnik, of the US National Institute on Aging, said more work was needed to show a direct relationship between ageing and physical activity.

He said: “Persons who exercise are different from sedentary persons in many ways, and although certain variables were adjusted for in this analysis, many additional factors could be responsible for the biological differences between active and sedentary persons.

“Nevertheless, this article serves as one of many pieces of evidence that telomere length might be targeted in studying ageing outcomes.”

F-15 pilot had less than 2 seconds to react before crash

09:13 AM PDT on Thursday, June 28, 2007

By kgw.com and AP staff Investigators believe the F-15 pilot who crashed off the Oregon Coast was flying so low he would have had less than two seconds to react to any problem that may have led to the crash.

kgw.com photo

Maj. Gregory Young as shown in a photo from the Oregon National Guard.

KGW has learned that during the dog fight simulation, Maj. Gregory D. Young was near the bottom of the altitude limits for the drill — 1,000 feet — when he crashed without warning.

Flying at about 500 miles per hour, he apparently did not have time to eject.

During a somber news conference, National Guard officials Wednesday described Young as a caring and talented pilot and father who risked his life to defend the freedom Americans enjoy.

The Coast Guard found Young’s body Tuesday.

MORE: Crash details, body found

Young, 34, lived in St. Helens, Ore.

BIO: More about Maj. Young

His superiors said he was a brave man who loved his job and was one of the best fighter jet pilots in America.

VIDEO: Loss of gifted pilot

“On behalf of the 142nd Fighter Wing. the Portland Air Base, and the Oregon Air National Guard, I offer my heartfelt condolences to the family of our fallen Airman. He was a very talented young man with many years of dedicated service to the protection of the freedoms we enjoy today,” Col. Steven D. Gregg, Commanding Officer of the 142nd Fighter Wing said Wednesday. “He will be deeply missed by our entire Air National Guard family.”

Even for the best pilots in the world, the job is always a dangerous one, Brigadier General Dan O’Hollaren emphasized during the news conference. He said flying a combat fighter aircraft requires operating on a “razor’s edge.”

“You and I go about our daily lives because airmen like Major Young are present on the front lines and are vigilant,” O’Hollaren added.

MORE: Brigadier General: America is free thanks to pilots like Young

A memorial service will be planned for Young, who was married with children, but no date has been set.

“He was a great person… he had a great demeanor… he had a wonderful sense of humor…” said Air Guard spokeswoman Maj. Misti Mazzia, fighting back tears.

An Air Guard spokesperson said the pilots are equipped with survival gear, including flairs and a floatation device.

The water temperature at the time of the crash was 58 degrees.

DETAILS: More about the dogfight simulation

Video: Press conference on search

Many Air Guard pilots are also commercial pilots and generally have more hours in the air than active military pilots, Mazzia said.

In July 2004, The two San Diego-based Marine reservists were killed when their FA/18 Hornet collided with another jet over the Columbia River during a routine training exercise.

More: History of 142nd Fighter Wing

Dog Fight Training Video